One of the biggest battles I have faced as a sexual being has been trying to accept myself for the way I look. And accept that the way I look will change.
At some point in my life I finally realised it wasn’t about looking a particular way. It was, as cliché builds onto cliché, about just loving and accepting my body. My weight has often fluctuated throughout my life. When people tell me I’ve lost weight or that I look good, I used to feel pride or confusion. I have grown to truly hate the phrase “Wow, you look great. Have you lost weight?” As though looking attractive is dependent upon my losing a little around the tummy or the hips! Why can’t we simply tell someone they look nice or healthy, or happy! And I don’t mean healthy as a euphemism for putting on weight either. The pressure of looking a particular way is so embedded into our culture that it’s almost impossible to live up to the standard.
So, where do I think we should start? With our words, of course. Instead of “I look fat in this,” try “this doesn’t suit my body.” Instead of “You’ve lost weight,” try “hey, love the look.” With our words we put the emphasis on the supposed ideal of weight and we put the blame on things that we, fundamentally, might not be able to change. At least not without drastic and expensive body augmentations.
You aren’t wrong – the clothes are.
Other people (friends, family, media) who comment on your size and shape aren’t always right – their perception is often skewed.
We weren’t all made from the same mould. So why do we treat each other like we were, or should have been?