How to?

The more time I spend within the kink community and the more time I spend around sex positive and considerate people, the less tolerance I have for the same old bullshit around sex and gender. I spent my weekend with amazing people who all seem so keen to learn about and celebrate everything sex, sexuality and gender. Then, I come home with my usual research enthusiam. At the first googling of my fingers, I am faced with the mantra of “how to please a man.”

After a few interesting conversations with some new friends I thought I’d start my research with tantric sex. Honestly, I’ve always been a skeptic in this area, but my curiosity was peaked. With the words “tantric” and “how to,” I was given a barrage of:

“How to give a man…”

“How to please your man…”

“How to give him a tantric massage…”

There are no words to express the depth of my guttural sigh, in response to this. I am all for pleasure for people, no matter where you fall along the gender spectrum, but let’s stop polluting the world with this suggestion that women always blindly give and men always selfishly take. What kind of message does that give the eager teens of the world?!

To turn it around, I’m going to direct you to a woman I came across lately. I listened to an interview with her and was immediately struck by how confidently she speaks about herself, her body and her desires. Psalm Isadora talks about sex and tantric sex as though she was born to seduce the world! Or at least help others to. I’m yet to delve further as a lot of her info seems to come from in person workshops. However, it’s always good to remind myself to keep digging past that surface level of misogyny that is often pumped out by media. So, please, throw out that copy of Cosmo, and delve a little deeper. There is a lot of feminist, sex positive stuff out there, you just gotta search for it.  

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