There are so many ways in which we can label ourselves these days. Especially if we’re talking sexuality. Even more so, if we’re talking kink.
Browsing some well known kinky sites, I find a list of ways to identify oneself: gay, straight, bisexual, heteroflexible, dominant, submissive, little, kitty, leather (family member), mentor, polyamorous, monogomous, trans-gendered, sis-gendered, pansexual… The list goes on and on.
And it’s not just about who or ‘”what” you are sexually attracted to. It’s also about how you perceive your lifestyle, or sexual lifestyle, your relationships and your role(s) within them.
Personally, I try to hold on firmly to the terms ‘bisexual’ and ‘queer,’ because they feel right to me. Someone else may dispute my queer status. Why? Because I’m cis-gendered female? Because I have a male primary partner? Because I’m not an activist for queer rights? Because my hair’s the wrong length? Because I paint my toenails the wrong colour? Because I happily kneel at my partner’s feet and…*ahem*
You get the idea. Anyone could decided to turn around at any moment and tell me that I’m not *really* queer or I’m not *queer* enough. I love the labels, don’t get me wrong. I think labels or ‘identifiers’ can be powerful. Especially if you’re trying to portray a certain image of yourself, or just if you’re trying to have it off with other people who just might fancy you too.
Still, I think there are some problems with rigid labels. No one ever gets a microchip under their skin marking them as ‘male’ or ‘female,’ just like no one gets marked ‘architect,’ ‘blogger,’ ‘stay-at home Dad’ or any other lifestyle defining term. Fluidity is where it’s at for me. Fluidity with gender, with life, with self. There’s a lot of experience to be had out there and I feel genuinely saddened for anyone who feels they are not constantly learning something new about themselves and the people around them.
Will I still call myself queer, bisexual and kinky as hell? Of course I will, because I feel pride in those labels. What I don’t want, is the myriad of labels out there to become something we must declare as un-changing. I honestly think I will be a geeky, little, bi, sex-positive pervert for the rest of my life. I also know I’m exploring. I’m curiously poking my head around corners and finding new parts of myself that I hadn’t looked at before. And that’s fantastic.
How about you? Do labels have a place in your world, or do they drift in and out?