Anything you like

This piece of writing is NOT SUITABLE for those under the age of 18 years. Please turn back if you’ve come here by mistake.

I’m not 18. Take me somewhere else.

“You’ve been taking care of me. What can I do for you?” He asked. He smiled as he spoke and sat straight up, awaiting my response. “How about a massage?” He offers.

A massage sounded wonderful and god knows I needed it. Physically. Mentally, I needed to stop thinking. I needed to be cherished and loved and desired. And I needed someone else to decide what form that took. I needed a break from my own planning and decision making.

I told him what I wanted. “I need you to decide. I need you to be in control.” He paused. “Even if it’s only for 20 minutes. Really. You can time it if you like. But I want to lay down and have you take whatever pleasure from me that you want. Do anything you want and ask for anything you want. Even if it is simply silly, and has nothing to do with sex.”

He half laughed to himself and I realised he was already turned on from my request.

“20 minutes then.” He announced and began to set a timer on my phone. “20 minutes, but you’ll use your safe words if you need them and I’ll stop. Only then will I stop.”

I nodded. He stared at me and declared he wasn’t starting the timer yet. “Yellow means I need to pause, red means…”I repeated the rest of our safe words and what they meant. He kissed me, pushing him lips hard against mine. Took a deep breath as he looked down at my body, and started the timer.

I was so curious. Would he start with something silly? Would he simply rip my clothes off and pound himself into me? Use me as a masturbatory aid? I sat breathing and staring at him for so long that I was glad I couldn’t see the timer ticking down.

He began by running his hands over my body. I was clothed in a small top and floaty, blue, summer trousers. He pulled my trousers and socks off, commenting on my mismatched choices as he did so. He continued to explore my body with his hands. Pausing on my thighs and breasts. He moaned as he watched my skin beneath his.

I was still waiting.

Then, with clear conviction, he clamped his lips onto the top of my nose and suckled. I giggled. He did it again. Then moving away from my mouth his fingers poked and lingered over almost every ticklish part of my body. I kicked and squealed and tried not to pull away from him as he pushed under my arms, behind my knees, across my ribs.

Finally, he stopped. I could breathe again. “Shirt off” he demanded. I complied and lay back down, flat on the bed. He picked up my hand and used it to guide my arm upwards. Straight up in the air. My back flat on the bed and my arm 90 degrees to my torso. It was unnatural, yet oddly comfortable.

“This stays here.”

I melted at the confidence in his voice. Fuck. It began again; poking and prodding and pushing. My arm stayed exactly where he had placed it, whilst the rest of my body jerked and wiggled beneath his hands and mouth. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. But I could keep that arm still. I was proud of myself.

“Good.” He announced as he lowered my arms. “Now take off your bra. Don’t use your hands.” After a lot of awkward wiggling and shimming, I pushed my bra to just above my waist. As I desperately tried to hook the clasp on a door handle, he frowned. He told me to stop, tenderly placed me back on the bed, rolled me over and removed this last piece of clothing himself.

“Stay there.” He fetched pens from a nearby shelf and brought them back to the bed. As he straddled me, he took the black pen, slowly pulled the lid off and pondered my body. He delicately and smoothly drew shapes on my skin. Circles around my breasts, ovals over my parts of my waist. I wanted to ask him if he was marking his favourite parts. I didn’t. He continued with circles and lines across me. Always mirroring each side, making sure that his designs were symmetrical. He was drawing with more speed now. Furiously adding more to the patterns he was making. Finally, he took the bright pink pen and began to write in large, block letters, just below my naval. I felt the first clear letter, but didn’t know what it was.

“I’m going to write ‘fuck me’ across you now.” He looked at me and waited. I re-affirmed my consent. I’d seen photos with people covered in patterns and dirty language like “fuck me” and “ruin me.” I’d never really understood the appeal. Until now. Still, I did my own kind of self check. Did I want this? Yes. Yes, I wanted this. I was wet already. The words made me ache. I wanted it. I gave him our safe word for Everything is fine. Please keep going. And he did.

He was near shaking when he’d finished writing. On my thigh, I could feel that he was as hard as he could get. He switched to the red pen and began drawing lines across my arms and thighs. Long, deep strokes, covering me. It felt dangerous. But I knew, in the back of my mind, it was only red pen and everything was as it should be.

“I’m going to fuck you now.”

And he did.

 

 

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Things I love Thursday: Staying positive.

It’s been a difficult few weeks for me. I’m in the midst of coming off my medication and searching for a new therapist. I’d explain all the other stresses going on right now, but lack of therapist and medication are pretty well huge enough. I won’t delve down the rabbit hole of anti depressants now, but keep checking in, I’m fairly sure I will have a hell of a lot to say before long.

With that in mind, here’s my list of things I’m grateful for:

  • A comfy new mattress and the blissful sleep that accompanies it.  With the medication changes I’ve noticed periods of utter exhaustion. I’ve had to change my “real world” work hours, just to avoid dosing off when on the job.
  • Cute little self help books. At the moment I’m slowly doodling my way through “How to be happy, or at least less sad.” It’s a sweet little book that makes looking at depression an, almost, fun activity. It’s filled with pages to write on and draw on. I haven’t worked my way through much of it as yet, but it’s definitely encouraging me to be more mindful.
  •  Sci Fi. ‘Nuff said.
  • Gratitude. Yep, I’m thankful for people being thankful. Yes, I’ve made it meta. This week I made a friend an amazing present. Between trying not to fall asleep and trying to catch up on all my other jobs, it was exhausting putting this present together. It was all worth it when I saw my friend’s reaction.
  • Just to kink things up a bit, the last thing I’m thankful for is finally getting some ‘play’ time with a lady I’ve had a bit of a crush on for a while. I’ve only had a handful of conversations with her, but I feel we vibe together quite well (as the risk of sounding too woo woo) and, unlike many other women I’ve been with, she’s stands very confident in her sexuality. Confidently queer women, gotta feel a little buzz off that alone.

Feel free to comment if you’d like to add something you’re grateful for this week. Stay positive blog-o-sphere-ians and chat to you next week.

Kinkilicious: There’s something out there for everyone.

If you’re reading my blog, I’m assuming you’ve heard about kinks before. If you’ve IMG_20160602_083508stumbled across this (and through life) without ever learning about kinks – this may or may not be the place for you. I say that, because I’m going to look at kinks from my own perspective and, as such, offer my own definition:


Kink – An activity that you engage with which is sexually arousing to you. Typically not considered to be part of the ‘norm’ in everyday, run o’ the mill sexuality. 

Just to be clear, I say “engage with,” because I think you can enjoy a kink in many different ways. You might be watching something that gets you turned on. Talking about it. Smelling it maybe? I might have a kink for licking elbows, for example. This doesn’t mean I have to go out and lick a lot of elbows to become aroused. It might mean that I daydream about this, draw cartoon panels of elbows being licked, ask my friends to come around and do little elbow dances for me…  whilst I masturbate in the anticipation of licking them. Yes, I went with the first odd little thing that came into my head with elbows, but I bet ya that if you can imagine it, then there’s someone out there getting off to it.

IMG_20160602_083534      IMG_20160602_083545 - Copy       2016-06-02 09.52.01

The other thing I want to clear up, is that I tend to think of kinks as referring to some kind of activity that is enjoyed by one or more people. I don’t see a kink as always being something that is *necessary* to feel sexually aroused (although this may be the case for some).  If it’s an object or *just* a specific body part, then I think the definition is closer to a fetish. But remember, I’m not clinicnally qualified to talk about these things, these are simply the definitions I feel best fit my own underestanding.

Kinky times

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Over the next few weeks and maybe months, I’m goingIMG_20160602_083617 to recruit the help of my lovely partner and dear friends to explore a few different kinks and present my take on them. The list will be by no means exhaustive. Nor am I claiming to present a “how to” guide of kink. I’m just going to try a few things and report back to you all. Sound good? If you have anything you want to add, please go for it. I am happy for people to comment and give there own perspective. In fact I very much eIMG_20160602_083517ncourage it! I am even happy if you want to offer up a suggestion for something you’d like me to try out and report back on. However,   please be respectful. If someone posts “Hey, why don’t you try rope bondage?” then that’s great and I’m happy to approve that and report back enthusiastically. If your comment is a play by play erotic scene featuring every degrading sex act you can think of….wellll, then you’ve missed th
e point and I won’t approve it.

 

With all the preamble said and done, I’m going to offer up a tasty preview. The first kink I’m going to be reviewing will be SPLOSHING. I look forward to letting you all know how it goes.IMG_20160602_083526

 

You gotta love yourself. Someone else has gotta love you too.

How do you live with depression?

Well, that’s a big bundle of complicated right there, from the cliché of “one day at a time,” to the numerous variables of therapy, lifestyle, personality, medication, support networks, triggers, coping skill…. and it goes on and on.

What I’m really thinking about today is – how do you love someone with depression?

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Things to sink your teeth into: Things I love Thursday

I love to indulge in my curiosities. Even if I can only find brief moments of them. So this week, I love those moments that I can really sink my teeth into, even when I have to quickly put them aside and get on with those other, duller, parts of life.

  • Science and Psychology. Whilst I certainly don’t proclaim to know a lot about science, I will forever be fascinated by those intricate, eccentric and downright befuddling parts of our brain.
  • Surprise caramel torte. Honestly, my housemate seems to sense my sugar cravings.
  • I may express gratitude for this one a lot.
  • Accepting “yes” for yes. My partner always astounds me in his ability to know when I really, truly, need something a little kinky… and something A LOT kinky.

What have you been feasting or nibbling on, this week? (Feel free to comment and share your own).